Journal Entry June 27th 12:26 am

12:26 am

So what do I do? I'm lonely. I can't say I've ever been really truly lonely before. I usually enjoy my time alone. But now, I just want to pack my bags and say, "Well that was a fun weekend adventure, time to go home now." I already paid for the class and the apartment for the month, so I will stay for that. I promised Elea I would visit her, and so I will. But I think, maybe, after that, I want to go home. I'm halfway hoping I can't find a job after my program ends. I can still put the program on a resume or graduate school application.

What was I thinking? A wallflower is still a wallflower in Spain. I hate that I have no friends or family here. Maybe I will make friends with the people in my class, but in a month they will all go their seperate ways. Why does life feel like just one big series of heart-breaking goodbyes?

12:02 pm

I now understand what Mette was talking about when we were discussing differences between Europe and the U.S. She said people don't help cook meals in Europe, usually only 1 person cooks. That's because there is only room for 1 person in their kitchens. It is so small. It's sad though because I think some of my fondest memories are in the kitchen. Easter eggs, Christmas cookies, hard candy, cooking parties, candy bread, crepes, bread, queche, creme brule, ham and potatoes... It's funny, I don't even like half of those things and some (candy bread) were absolute disasters but I love the memories that go with the cooking; talking, teasing, laughing.

3:00 pm

I'm very confused. I love this city, it is so beautiful. (Even now I can hear a street performer wailing away playing jazz on his saxophone). It is full of life and culture and people. I think it is hard to be here and have no one to share it with, so I really hope I can make a few friends in the course. I'm afraid they will all be very outgoing, forward people, (which makes the most sense for this course) which is okay but I don't really make friends with that kind of people easily. Maybe it will be the sort of thing where since we are all in the same somewhat odd circumstance we will bond through that. Well I will keep my fingers crossed.

3:55 pm

Luna and Dan both left (she is going dancing and he is going to watch the football game). I think this will be the first time I´ve been alone in the apartment for more than 5 minutes. I like it. I feel more comfortable walking around when I don´t have to worry about getting in their way.