Journal Entry June 20th 5:14 am

I got up before the sun did today. The good news is the generator is still running, the bad news is that I still need it. A bad storm two days ago came in and swept trees up and hurled them across our driveway and onto the electric wires. We have had no power for two days, I don't think that's such a big deal but my car is at the top of the driveway and I can't get it out so I really can't go anywhere until it is all cleared up. This leaves me with a lot of time to sit and think. I make myself twice as many to do lists and get distracted twice as often.

With only three days left until I leave I really can't tell how I feel right now. I decided not to go to Grand Rapids for Father's Day. It was a hard decision but I think it would have made it much more difficult for me to leave. Lindsey is right it could be the last time I ever see some of those people, but I can't think like that, I guess I just don't have it in me.

Mom and Dad went up north though so it has been a pretty quiet couple days. Jollene moved out Friday and has stopped by to check up on the cat, but other than that no unexpected visitors. I guess it is a good thing that I get this time on my own now, I know most people have a tendency to avoid people and push them away when they won't see them for a long time. I really don't want to do that, I know how much it hurts.

Well I think I will go practice violin, I still can't decide if I should bring it with me. I told everyone that I'm just not that passionate about it, well that's not true I just have a different passion than most, I don't want to have perfect form, I just want to play for hours every day and enjoy it. Maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to share it with anyone. I tend to be a pretty unselfish person so maybe this is my one area where I can allow myself a little. I just want to do something for me.

It's funny because I've always been okay doing things for other people and to help others. I'm not sure that I like this new stage of life where everything reverts back to "all about me" like when I was a small child and had no idea the world didn't revolve around me. Well I'm much older now and I know that life on Earth would barely change if I were not here, so I need to find a way to make a difference.