I went shopping the other day and bought some stuff for Barcelona, it made me super excited all over again. I got bright green luggage tags so they are easy to find, an electric outlet converter, and a little safety pouch to carry money and stuff in. I also went clothes shopping with Elea (I know I promised myself I wouldn't but I haven't been shopping all semester)! I bought a bunch of new shirts (which I can actually wear for work so they were a practical purchase), two new pairs of jeans (my last couple good pairs just developed holes), and a super cute pair of shorts (no practical reason I just love them)! The funny thing is that everything I bought was blue, blue stripes, blue plaid, blue solid, blue jeans... everything blue.
Now I have to reign myself in and be even more careful about spending in the next few weeks. I can't go shopping crazy in Chicago, of course, I shouldn't anyway because I won't have room for new stuff that I buy in my bags. I really want to bring the quilt I got from Grandma but I'm afraid it will take up too much room. It's a strange paradox because I want to bring everything with me, but at the same time I wish I could just go with nothing and start over completely when I get there, but I can't afford that.
I need to go do the money transfer this week. I'm worried that I don't have enough money for it, maybe I can have Mom or Dad do it and then give them cash from the bank and if that doesn't cover it then I can pay them back with part of next week's paycheck.....
It's time for another serious to-do list!
8 days until Chicago
22 days until the MI Race
32 days until I leave for Barcelona
Monday, May 24, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Journal Entry May 16 9:11 AM
Well, we are in Missouri today. Mom, Dad, Elea, and I drove down in the motor home to pick up Grandma and Grandpa Strong after Grandpa broke his hip while they were on vacation. He seems to be in good spirits. I think he is just really excited and anxious to be going home. It is hard to see him so fragile, I'd never thought of him as fragile or breakable. He has such a strong personality I guess I just assumed he was just as strong physically.
I'm kind of worried that by the time I get back from Barcelona that one or both Grandpas may not be here to come back to. I don't like to think about it because I love them both very much and want to spend many more hours talking with them, hearing their stories and jokes, and just enjoying their company. But at the same time I can see that life, for them, has gone from a gift to be enjoyed to a burden to bare.
It is so wonderful to hear Grandpa joke and see him smile. His dementia has progressed quite a bit in the last couple months but his personality and humor are definitely still there. Every now and then he wakes up and reaches out to tickle my feet or play footsie with me. It's almost like he is trying to tell me that he is alright without words.
It's strange how when people are hurt or in trouble they don't worry about themselves but the people around them. This helps convince me that, no matter what some people say or how warped society is, people have a natural instinct to care for and help others.
I'm kind of worried that by the time I get back from Barcelona that one or both Grandpas may not be here to come back to. I don't like to think about it because I love them both very much and want to spend many more hours talking with them, hearing their stories and jokes, and just enjoying their company. But at the same time I can see that life, for them, has gone from a gift to be enjoyed to a burden to bare.
It is so wonderful to hear Grandpa joke and see him smile. His dementia has progressed quite a bit in the last couple months but his personality and humor are definitely still there. Every now and then he wakes up and reaches out to tickle my feet or play footsie with me. It's almost like he is trying to tell me that he is alright without words.
It's strange how when people are hurt or in trouble they don't worry about themselves but the people around them. This helps convince me that, no matter what some people say or how warped society is, people have a natural instinct to care for and help others.
Journal Entry May 12 10:38 PM
Today was kinda funny. I didn't have the "I'm a grown-up" epiphany that I've been waiting for, but I did realize something.
I finished subbing in the 5th grade class and went to talk to Mom and the other teachers. One of them told me to watch out or I might decide I want to be a teacher. It made me laugh because I actually kind of do. It's just that I want to be a college professor not an elementary teacher. But that wasn't my cool discovery either. During our continued discussion on the matter I realized that next year I could come back and do basically whatever I want!
Let me clarify....I realize that somethings don't really count; like being a hobo or becoming president. And things like graduate school will be expensive and not necessarily an immediate option. But career wise; I can do a lot of different stuff. Business, law, non-profits, politics, journalism, etc... There are a lot of ways to go and a lot of choices to make! Thank goodness I have a year to work, enjoy life, and think!
I finished subbing in the 5th grade class and went to talk to Mom and the other teachers. One of them told me to watch out or I might decide I want to be a teacher. It made me laugh because I actually kind of do. It's just that I want to be a college professor not an elementary teacher. But that wasn't my cool discovery either. During our continued discussion on the matter I realized that next year I could come back and do basically whatever I want!
Let me clarify....I realize that somethings don't really count; like being a hobo or becoming president. And things like graduate school will be expensive and not necessarily an immediate option. But career wise; I can do a lot of different stuff. Business, law, non-profits, politics, journalism, etc... There are a lot of ways to go and a lot of choices to make! Thank goodness I have a year to work, enjoy life, and think!
Journal Entry May 6 10:52 PM
Six days since I last wrote. There is little to say, time goes quickly and slowly at the same time. The days blend together, I work most weekdays. Only noteable change recently is I have no car, Lindsey's is getting fixed so she has mine. I don't want to be ungrateful, I appreciate the use of the car, which is why I want it back! hahaha I'm glad we have an extra car that I can use if I need it, Americans really are spoiled aren't we? Hahaha
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Journal Entry May 6th 12:31 AM
I'm scared. There I admitted it. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. Mortified. Petrified. Stupefied. I haven't admitted that yet, not even to myself. I've said I'm nervous or excited but I haven't yet confessed to the fear I have been feeling. With 48 days until I leave I am now openly admitting that I am scared of what lies ahead.
Spain has a 20% unemployment rate right now, the last thing people there want is to see an American coming in and taking their jobs. Greece was in as bad of shape as Spain and they are having violent riots all over the country. That could happen in Spain. The gorilla group ETA operates in the north-east of the country (which is right were Barcelona is located). Terrorists have attacked Barcelona and other major cities in Spain. The economic issues in the world have created political unrest in many countries, is it really that much of a stretch to imagine these things happening in Spain's near future?
I could end up broke and alone in Barcelona. I could take my class, while searching for tutoring and other positions, get done and have absolutely nothing. This whole thing could blow up in my face!
Only at night when I am by myself trying to sleep do these thoughts creep into my head.
I lay in bed practicing the little Spanish that I remember, hoping that if something happens it will be enough to get me through. I know it's mostly nerves and that I am a resourceful person, of adequate intelligence to deal with such issues. I even know that I handle crisis situations well. What I do not know is the future. Paging Lady Cleo...
Spain has a 20% unemployment rate right now, the last thing people there want is to see an American coming in and taking their jobs. Greece was in as bad of shape as Spain and they are having violent riots all over the country. That could happen in Spain. The gorilla group ETA operates in the north-east of the country (which is right were Barcelona is located). Terrorists have attacked Barcelona and other major cities in Spain. The economic issues in the world have created political unrest in many countries, is it really that much of a stretch to imagine these things happening in Spain's near future?
I could end up broke and alone in Barcelona. I could take my class, while searching for tutoring and other positions, get done and have absolutely nothing. This whole thing could blow up in my face!
Only at night when I am by myself trying to sleep do these thoughts creep into my head.
I lay in bed practicing the little Spanish that I remember, hoping that if something happens it will be enough to get me through. I know it's mostly nerves and that I am a resourceful person, of adequate intelligence to deal with such issues. I even know that I handle crisis situations well. What I do not know is the future. Paging Lady Cleo...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Journal Entry May 4th 10:13 PM
I keep waiting for some kind of epiphany, a realization that I've graduated or some sign that I'm a grown-up now. No such luck, unless a giant stack of bills is a sign of education and maturity. It's strange but I really don't feel smart or well-informed. I've always felt a Bachelor's Degree was a sign of being a well-rounded, man or woman of the world! Me and my silly notions.
I never want to stop learning. I don't mean just learning a new technique at work or how to get the best mileage on my car (although that is important too). I want to study, to research, to explore. I want to mentally challenge myself every day for the rest of my life. What job/position advertises, "Must want to be mentally exhausted at work every day."? Whatever it is sign me up!
I never want to stop learning. I don't mean just learning a new technique at work or how to get the best mileage on my car (although that is important too). I want to study, to research, to explore. I want to mentally challenge myself every day for the rest of my life. What job/position advertises, "Must want to be mentally exhausted at work every day."? Whatever it is sign me up!
Journal Entry May 2nd 1:06 PM
Well we just got back from Grand Rapids. I have graduated, been celebrated, and must admit that I feel slightly emancipated as well. Not having school or graduation to worry about is quite freeing. For me graduation consisted of an hour of standing in a cue, two hours of sitting, and ten minutes of terror (lining up to go on stage, trying not to trip in front of 20,000 people, and then getting back to our seats). It was such a relief to have it done. I hadn't planned to walk but it meant a lot to Mom and Dad and I would endure far worse than two hours of boredom if it means they are happy.
We went back to Grandma and Grandpa Borr's afterward for the party. It was great to see everyone, but I've never been a huge fan of being the center of attention. It was fun to talk to everyone though.
I think Elea is realizing how little time she has before she leaves. We agreed, on the way home, that a month and a half seems a lot shorter than two months. It's strange how the mind works.
We went back to Grandma and Grandpa Borr's afterward for the party. It was great to see everyone, but I've never been a huge fan of being the center of attention. It was fun to talk to everyone though.
I think Elea is realizing how little time she has before she leaves. We agreed, on the way home, that a month and a half seems a lot shorter than two months. It's strange how the mind works.
Journal Entry April 30th 12:17AM
Sleep evades me tonight. I know I have to be up early for work in the morning but it doesn't matter. I opened my window to tempt the breeze, but then I spent countless minutes just staring and thinking. I know I'm tired but that doesn't seem to matter. My mind is full of thoughts; about life, graduation, work, religion, politics, school, moving, uncertainty..... But nothing is certain except death and taxes so I shouldn't let uncertainty keep me up or I will never sleep again! I am once again going to try to go sleep. I will hum, or sing, or count sheep. I would even rock myself to sleep if I could.
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